I'm Still Me
by toolazytothinkupapenname
Summary: Cas has to find a new vessel when Jimmy is badly wounded and has no choice but to choose a female. Although he feels different Sam shows him that he's still the same. fem!Cas/Sam


**Notes:** Okay so this is Fem!Cas cuz I felt like writing him in a female body. I'm sorry there are no real quotation marks, I was working on a computer that the apostrophe button was broke and I had to paste it and I didn't want to have to constantly copy the quotation/apostrophe marks.  
>This almost escalated into porn. I almost did it but then I was just like... no. I might write a 'sequel' or second chapter that's some porn if you guys are interested. I do need to practice het!porn.<br>I hope you guys like. I'm not used to genderbending and I feel like Cas is off a little, sorry.

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><p>Castiel stared down at his… <em>her<em> body with a slight shock. It had been awhile since he had been in a female vessel and his last one had been far less developed than this. He opened and closed his hand, not quite used to the slight differences of this body. He was shorter, he could tell, and he had less muscles. His body felt lighter, limber.

He shook his head. He wasn't a he anymore. This body was female. He had to start thinking of himself as one too.

Cas didn't remember what had happened to put him… _her_ in this body. There had been a fight, a bad fight and her previous vessel had been badly wounded. She had to find a new one, it had been hard. This vessel was a very distant cousin of the Novaks but she was still blood.

She glanced around. The room she was in was nondescript, a hotel room. There was a loud clang followed by yelling of voices, voices that were very familiar to Cas. The Winchesters were here. But where was here?

The door banged open and Dean and Sam came in. Dean had a bag from a burger joint and Cas felt her mouth water at the sight. It seemed that the love of burgers ran in the family.

'Cas,' Dean said, a smile lighting his face. 'You're awake.' Cas nodded but her eyes were locked on the bag and Dean grinned, tossing it to her. 'I see your tastes haven't changed.'

Cas was already stuffing her face so she couldn't give him a real answer.

Sam followed Dean into the room, kicking the door closed and suddenly Cas' throat went tight. She swallowed her bite of hamburger painfully. She felt her mouth go dry and it felt like her body was on fire. She'd had feelings like this before when she saw the younger Winchester, back in his male vessel, but it'd never felt this strong.

'Hey Cas,' he murmured, a small grin on his face. Cas nodded mutely at him. Her appetite was suddenly gone, her stomach filled with an odd fluttering sensation instead. She pushed the rest of the burgers back towards Dean who snatched them up gladly, shoving half of one into his mouth.

'So Cas,' Dean said, around a mouthful of food. 'What's it like being a girl?'

'I don't understand your question. Is it supposed to be different?'

'Well yeah… I mean you have boobs now.' Dean's eyes lowered to stare at that part of Cas' anatomy and the angel sighed.

'Yes Dean. This vessel is built differently but all humans are generally the same. There are two arms and two legs. Ten fingers and ten toes. I do not understand why boobs would be any different?'

Dean shrugged and grinned. 'I can name a few reasons why boobs make you better.'

'Dean-' Sam started but Cas interrupted him.

'I do not see why you should treat me any differently. I am still an Angel of the Lord. I still command your respect.'

Dean scowled and turned snatching the keys off the table and storming out. Cas stared after him confused, glancing at Sam. 'Did I do something wrong?'

Sam laughed and got up to sit on the edge of the bed, making Cas pull her legs up to her chest. 'Dean is just wounded that a girl was immune to his charms.'

Cas glanced at Sam, her brow furrowed. 'I didn't mean to insult him.'

'You didn't insult him, just bruised him. He'll be fine after he drinks a few beers and flirts with a girl or two.' Sam fell silent and Cas tilted her head, her blond locks tumbling over her face. She brushed them back with a frustrated sound only to have them fall back in her face. Sam chuckled and leaned forward, lightly brushing her hair back gently. Cas let out a little gasp and Sam froze, his hand lingering on her cheek. Cas licked her lips and stared at Sam, her eyes just as blue as they had been before, but wider, and framed by long, dark lashes. She leaned against his hand, her eyes fluttering shut and he let out a shaky breath. 'Cas.'

Her hands went up to cradle his against her face and she let out a soft sigh. She opened her eyes, surprised by the closeness of Sam. She could almost count the flecks of gold in his hazel eyes. 'Your eyes are pretty,' she murmured. He smiled softly and leaned a little closer.

'So are yours.' His breath puffed against her face and she felt drawn to the scent. Mint and a hint of beer. She leaned forward, not sure what she was doing, only knowing she wanted more of the scent, that she wanted to taste it. Her lips brushed his softly and she pulled back, but a hand gripped her neck and pulled her against him. Her chest hit his and their mouths melded together. His tongue licked at her lips and she opened them on a small mewl.

His flavor exploded in her mouth and she sucked on his tongue. He groaned and pushed her back on the bed, never breaking contact. Her hands slid up his chest to grip his shoulders and hold him close. She'd never felt like this before, her body felt like it was on fire. She needed to feel his skin, all of it. She pulled at his shirt and he groaned, breaking the kiss.

'We can't,' he said, panting. She stared up at him and licked her swollen lips.

'Yes… you're right. It would be unwise.' She scooted out from under him and began fixing her clothes, hiding her face so he couldn't see the hurt on it, but his arms wrapped around her, making her jump.

'It's not that I don't want to. God Cas, do I want to,' he groaned, his breath hot against her ear. 'But… this doesn't feel like you.'

'It is me,' Cas said, hating the way her voice shook. She turned in his arms to face him. 'My hair my hair may be different, my body may be different, but I am still Cas.'

Sam smiled and his hands tightened, pulling her between his thighs. He slid his hands up her back to cup her neck and pull her face close to his. This vessel was just a little taller than Sam sitting.

'You're right. You are you.' He smirked at her and pressed his forehead against hers. 'I'm sorry Cas… this is just a lot to adjust to.'

She nodded, a smile playing at her lips. 'I understand. You need to… deal with it. I can give you space if you need that.'

Sam leaned back and pulled her down on the bed next to him, spooning her back against his chest.

'I think I'd rather have you here with me,' he murmured, pressing a kiss against the nape of her neck. She felt a blush creep up her cheeks and buried her face in the dusty motel pillow. 'Do you mind if I sleep like this?'

She shook her head and he chuckled, pulling her tighter against him. She let out a little sigh of breath and let her body relax against him. Angels might not sleep but she didn't mind laying here with Sam. She let her eyes drift shut and a smile played on her lips. She found she didn't mind it at all.


End file.
